A Pervert Hiding In My Clothes Dryer Almost Killed Me! Lessons for Christian Singles from Romans 8:28 Regarding Christian Dating Expectations and Results
Written for www.AdamMeetEve.com by Juliet Roberts, author of Safer Christian Dating
Perhaps you are thinking "What a strange title!" for an article about Christian dating. (Some of the names and places in this article have been changed to protect people's privacy.) My fellow Christian singles, if you are expecting a light article on Christian dating and singles, please read this patiently. It was not easy for me to write this article. Believe it or not this really is an article about Christian dating, how God works all things for good, and that even if a Christian dating relationship ends in a painful breakup it can be worked for good by our great, loving God. And even if a strange, horrific event happens to you during your Christian dating years God can work it for good, as you will see in this article.
At first I did not, or could not, believe it.
How could my normal, routine life all of a sudden become so strange? That night a police officer showed me how easy it was for that pervert to pop off the front of my clothes dryer with a screw driver and remove the drum that tumbles the clothes.
According to detective Richards the pervert had been stalking me for weeks.
The archived surveillance tapes showed as much. And finding those restraining and torture devices like duct tape, plastic wire-ties, nylon rope, four c-clamps, hack saw blades, wire brush, carrot peeler and food grater stuffed in a plastic bag behind my clothes dryer did not exactly help me sleep all that well that night--the night police hauled him away, cuffed and slouching down to conceal his face. If he knew enough to try to conceal his face when he was arrested, it seems like he should have been found sane enough to go to a tougher prison.
I tossed and turned for hours that night, second-guessing my second guesses.
Trying to pray seemed impossible. How long had he been watching me sleep? Each night crawling out of my intentionally broken clothes dryer, crossing the hall into my bedroom to gaze at me. Had he also been touching me while I slept? Why me? This condo complex is not all that easy to find, being kind of tucked away behind the College campus like it is. What was this freak doing in my apartment during the day? Touching my things? Trying on my clothes? What did he eat? I never noticed any of my food missing. Why me? I don?t exactly dress or act in a provocative way. In case you are wondering, no this freak was not someone I had ever been dating.
At the trial would he confess to breaking my clothes dryer just so he could make it into his "nest" for several weeks of spying on me? Did he break it so that he could remove the drum later after I had gotten used to not being able to dry my clothes? Knowing that I was a creature of habit, who would never open the dryer door again once I accepted the fact that I could no longer dry my clothes until the landlord fixed the dryer? How could I have gone all those weeks without ever opening the dryer door? Or even hearing any strange noises coming from the dryer?
If I had opened it, just once in the past few weeks, perhaps I would have noticed that the drum had been removed. Without the drum inside, a dryer makes a rather spacious hollow metal box to hide inside. Or perhaps, and this is really scary, I would have opened my clothes dryer, bent down to peer inside, end up peering into the perverts eyes if he was hiding in there at the time, and either died of fright that very instant, or get tortured and eventually murdered which was probably his plan all along.
We have all heard that being careful in dating is wise even if you are dating Christians from church. Being careful and cautious is wise everywhere we go on this sin-drenched planet. Avoid being alone if you are dating someone whom you are quite attracted to, do your dating in public and God will bless you with a healthier dating relationship. I find that guys who have the self control to not get too physical in a dating situation seem to make the best leaders in a future Christian marriage. Get to know the person from the inside out, dating the person inside not just a body, dating the person inside not just a pretty face.
It is strange how we can go through life believing that we are smart enough, or careful enough or just plain lucky enough to avoid trouble. For us Christians it is more of a belief that God is watching over us, protecting us, than it is a belief in luck. Then when it happens, especially something life-threatening, even horrific, it so severely upsets our sense of security, our sense of self, of who we are and what we do in our day to day routine, that life can never be the same.
We live in a world that has fallen into decay ever since Adam and Eve sinned and disobeyed God. Does God allow bad things to happen to Christians? Yes, of course He does. For example, Christians get cancer just the same as non-Christians. Also, dating, even among Christian singles does sometimes result in pain, disappointments and even a rare date rape.
I now see that night as a wake up call from God. Yes, it was a real loud wake up call, since I literally did not sleep a wink that entire night. After tossing and turning for hours, I arose to read my bible. I arose to pray and thank God for sparing me from that pervert. I arose an innocent Christian dove who from that day forth would try harder to go forth ?as shrewd as a snake.? See Matthew 10:16
In Romans 8:28 I read over and over that God says that He works all things for the "good" of those who love Him. Amen! God is good. And what He does is good. My new roommate Jan is a very good thing that came about from the pervert in my dryer incident. Before that I was so set on living alone. When dating Christian men I would never allow them inside my condo. Now Jan and I are so blessed to share this condo and our walks with the Lord have improved as a result of our friendship and encouragement. We have way more people over, now, than I ever did when I lived alone. We even do some double dating which brings out the best in all four of us, letting us discover new things about one another that might not normally come out in a single dating situation. Born and raised in Germany, Jan keeps her room neat and spotless. As a result, I keep my room cleaner and less cluttered than I did when I lived alone. In fact the entire condo is cleaner and much more pleasant now with Jan living here. That is all good. God is all good. And what God does is all good.
One of the best places to start your own investigation is the national sex offenders registry:
NATIONAL (Sex Offenders) ALERT REGISTRY
Next, and I mean right away, don't put it off, go and read all the good information on the Dating Detective website. Pray about it, then sign up for the 3 years of unlimited background checks. Run a background check on everyone you are meeting online.
And don't think that date rape or something worse can't happen to you. That's what I thought, now, I screen everyone before meeting them for the first time for a first date. And if a nice Christian guy is offended that I want to do a background check on him before we meet. Too bad!
Another bit of advice: I only use Christian Cafe to meet singles, never ever would I even think of using a secular dating site.
"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffers for it." PROVERBS 27:12
I also tell the singles at church to get a background check on other singles they don't really know about before meeting them in a public place, never alone, and never at their home. Don't just assume that everyone at church or in an Christian dating service is really a Christian.
Note: it is considerate to get a person's consent, but to do your own online background checks the Dating Background Checks website claims that "you can investigate a person and the person will not even know it." I always let a Christian guy know that I am doing a background check on him. It is up to you "if or when" you tell a person. An employment background check requires the person's consent so I personally believe that a dating background check should also require a person's consent. Besides that ?do unto others as you would have them do unto you? means I ask for consent because I would like to be asked before some Christian man did a dating background check on me.
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