Written for www.AdamMeetEve.com by Juliet Roberts, author of Safer Christian Dating

In Proverbs 27:12 I read that "the prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." It came out at that pervert's trial that the reason he chose me was because I had smiled at the pervert several times, and I really do not remember helping him choose a pot roast, but he said I had. He was sentenced to some "nut house" up in Napa County, somewhere with six guards for every "crazy" inmate surrounded by a sixteen foot high fence topped with razor wire and alarms everywhere. At least that is what I was told. I was pretty freaked out that being kind and helpful at the local grocery store got me in this much trouble. But I cannot truly blame my actions for the sins of some pervert. I am way more cautious with strangers now though. Not just cautious with men, but even women I do not know have to earn my trust, overall I am way more cautious than I was before.

I am not the only Christian that I know of who has been a victim of crime.

In two separate incidents my friends, Dave and Don, were both attacked and nearly beaten to death by robbers. Was God trying to teach them to be less trusting of people? Is that why He allowed this to happen?

Dave was hit in the head with a metal pipe at the ATM machine near his house. He chose to fight with the three muggers who had followed him to the ATM machine that afternoon. That mistake cost him more in pain and medical bills than the eighty dollars those three muggers fought so hard to take from him.

Don used to deliver auto parts at night to pay for his college education. One night he stopped his delivery truck on the expressway to help a lady whose car had broken down. She was just the bait to lure some Good Samaritan motorist to stop. Out jumped several ruthless carjackers. They left Don bleeding in the gutter and drove his truck down to Long Beach to fence the auto parts. Don staggered about a mile and a half to the next auto parts store on his delivery route. He ended up with a steel plate in his head from the beating those evil guys gave him.

Now, years later, Dave, Don and even I, Juliet Roberts, are all better off for having suffered a bit and survived by God's grace. Hebrews 12:6-11 tells us that God disciplines those He loves, that He disciplines us for our good, that no discipline seems pleasant at the time.

All three of us are not as naive, and overly trusting of strangers or strange situations. And that is a good thing, a very good thing because we can warn others, especially our own kids, if we have any someday. And God worked some other things for "good" as well, (see Romans 2:28): it forced four Christians who were dating just to be dating to start dating with a purpose in mind, namely seeking God's will in marriage.

Dave was dating Julie in a casual way, not that he lacked the desire to marry her, but he had been dating her for nearly six years. That is a long time for two Christians to be dating with no marriage to show for it. The "long-story-short" of it, Julie was scared of commitment. But Dave's mugging and stitched up head wound sort of snapped her out of it. She had to admit to herself that dating Dave whom she loves dearly was just a substitute for getting married, and dating a great Christian guy for so long needed to end in marriage or she should breakup with Dave and let God lead Dave to other Christian dating and marriage possibilities. Funny how we humans value most those people whom we come closest to loosing.

Don was dating a sweet Christian woman who moved down here from Canada. They met and started dating in college, then broke up for about a year, then started dating again and attending our Christian singles class at church. Almost the exact same story as Dave and Julie only a bit more painful: Don was dating Kristina exclusively for about three years, they even went on our singles group short term missions trips, and spoke almost every day in person or by phone. But prideful male that he is, Don kept Kristina in the dark for weeks after his brain surgery. Finally she called Don's mother to find out if he was out of town or why he had been dating her about three times per week and now suddenly nothing? Not even any phone calls. The "long-story-short" of it, Don just about needed another steel plate in his head after Kristina and Don's mother got finished brow beating him. This long dating relationship ended with a wonderful Christian wedding and a godly marriage about six months after Don's severe beating, I mean the mugging, not the brow-beating by Kristina and Don's mother.

That restless night, the night that pervert crawled out of my clothes dryer, and thank God I spotted him in the mirror, I ran to the restaurant on the corner, yelling "call 911, call 911!" And, again thank God, there where four police officers drinking coffee in the corner booth. Since that night I have often read 1stCorinthians 10:1-13, thinking "Do not put the Lord to the test" whenever I think about some dangerous situation I might get myself into. Of course the context of this bible passage deals with testing God by our sinful actions, but I wonder if being foolish or lacking caution is just as sinful in God's eyes as the sexual immorality and grumbling that the Israelites did?

I have to work hard not to let this one strange incident ruin my dating relationships. Am I dating as many times as I did before that pervert crawled out of my clothes dryer. Yes. In fact when it comes to dating local Christian men, I am dating even more of them than I date men from online Christian dating services that live farther away. Why? It is not fear. It is just that my support group is here. Face it when my German roommate, Jan, gets through with her interrogation, some of these Christian guys might loose interest in dating me, but that is a good thing. God is watching over me.

Sure I could sit around fretting over the remote possibility of that pervert escaping custody or of the "Three Strikes Law" failing to keep him locked up for the rest of his life, or of him showing up in my life again, but why should I give in to fear and worry, when I can rest in Jesus! Face it, sometimes us Christians who are taught to "love our neighbor as our self" can be sheltered, passive, overly trusting of strangers, but the bottom line is this fact. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8

Finally, as the sun started to come up over the hill, in my minds eye I could still see that pervert crawling out of my dryer. I read Psalm 121 and Psalm 127 several times, before calling in sick the day after that pervert climbed out of my clothes dryer. Even after that strange night, I can sleep more soundly now. Knowing this: "The Lord will keep you from all harm--he will watch over your life; the Lord watches over your coming and going both now and forevermore." Psalm 121:7-8.

So maybe you can empathize with us three single Christians who were working, dating, serving the Lord in various ways, enjoying our relationships in the Christian singles class at church; then suddenly we get hit with a strange, horrific experience. Perhaps you have never been mugged or assaulted, but maybe your heart has been broken. Just because it is called Christian dating or courting it does not mean that breaking up cannot hurt. It hurts a lot! Let God work all things for good. Or perhaps you are in a dating situation that is going nowhere? Maybe you are Christians dating for several years, and taking your dating relationship for granted. Do you think that you have all the time in the world to get married? That the person you are dating will be around for a long time? Let God work all things for good. Life is short. Do not take the Christian brother or sister you are dating for granted.

NATIONAL (Sex Offenders) ALERT REGISTRY

Next, and I mean right away, don't put it off, go and read all the good information on the Dating Detective website. Pray about it, then sign up for the 3 years of unlimited background checks. Run a background check on everyone you are meeting online.

And don't think that date rape or something worse can't happen to you. That's what I thought, now, I screen everyone before meeting them for the first time for a first date. And if a nice Christian guy is offended that I want to do a background check on him before we meet. Too bad!

Another bit of advice: I only use Christian Singles Network and also Christian Cafe to meet singles, never ever would I even think of using a secular dating site.

"The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffers for it." PROVERBS 27:12

I also tell the singles at church to get a background check on other singles they don't really know about before meeting them in a public place, never alone, and never at their home. Don't just assume that everyone at church or in an Christian dating service is really a Christian.

Note: it is considerate to get a person's consent, but to do your own online background checks the Dating Detective website claims that "you can investigate a person and the person will not even know it." I always let a Christian guy know that I am doing a background check on him. It is up to you "if or when" you tell a person. An employment background check requires the person's consent so I personally believe that a dating background check should also require a person's consent. Besides that ?do unto others as you would have them do unto you? means I ask for consent because I would like to be asked before some Christian man did a dating background check on me.

The End!

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