Christian Dating as God Intended It: The Christian Woman's Dating and Marriage Guide to Finding A "Boaz" Husband
Written for www.AdamMeetEve.com by Juliet Roberts, author of Safer Christian Dating
I don't know about you but when I think of the best role model of a Christian husband in the bible I think of Boaz, in the Old Testament book of Ruth. If you are reading this article you are very likely ready to receive the one man God has pre-ordained for you from the beginning of time.
You may have been dating Christian men for a while now. or are dating Christian men right now, but maybe not your exact, perfect "Boaz." Or perhaps you may have already been married before and it was not to a Christian man and now you have seen the danger of marrying "outside the camp." It is my desire that when you get to the end of this article you will have a really good idea of what to look for this time. Christian dating is all about finding your exact, perfect Boazmaybe not perfect, but perfect for you.
It is a well-known fact that like attracts like. If you are in an intimate relationship with God then you are indeed ready to find the man He has for you. Intimacy with the Lord teaches us the heart of God. Spending quality time with God in bible study, prayer and worship lets us know what God is like. Have you ever noticed that you become a lot like folks with which you spend a lot of time. That's how it is with Daddy God. When we have an intimate relationship with Him, it's easier to detect men that don't have His heart! And start dating Christian men who do have the heart of God.
So many times we Christian women are willing to overlook things in men that are not like God. When things go downhill we then look back and realize that we knew in our heart of hearts that this man was not a Boaz. There are many men whom you will meet that tell you they are "Christian" because they attend church or they are members of a certain denomination of believers. Be careful! Going to church no more makes you a "real Christian" then going in your garage makes you a car.
Before you go on with this article make sure that your life is where it should be with the Lord. Close your eyes and pray a simple prayer and commit to God that from now on He is number one in your life and that if there is anything in your life that is unlike Him you ask him to remove it. Commit your Christian dating desires to Him. Tell God that you will only be dating Christian men who have the heart of God. Re-read 2nd Corinthians 14-18 and re-new your commitment to being equally yoked by only dating Christian men to find the one that is your Boaz, perfect for you.
One of the main reasons that us Christian women don't always get the Christian man that God has pre-ordained for us to marry is that we are too often impatient.
I call that the "vending machine" mentality. When a woman has been alone for some time she may become a bit desperate. We tell ourselves and our friends that we "are in no hurry", but truth be known we size up each and every man who comes in our vicinity.
When a person is really hungry they will eat things that ordinarily they wouldn't ever consider eating. Have you ever been hungry and short of time at work? You probably run into the break room and look at all the junk you see in the vending machine. None of it is what you really want. You are just hungry and short of time and you put your dollar in and make a quick choice. You eat quickly but it doesn't really satisfy your hunger. Later on you wish you regret it!
A lot of divorced Christian women will tell you the same thing about their ex husband. I hear it all the time "Well, looking back I should not have ignored those red flags while we were dating." "I should have taken my time and walked away immediately when things were not what they appeared to be at first. I should have committed each and every one of my Christian dating relationships to the Lord and promised to adhere to His strict and loving guidelines."
Sometimes women have two or three children by a man before they sadly give up and realize that they made a very bad mistake. It's a hard lesson to learn. It breaks your heart and wears you out mentally and physically. Sometimes women come to know the Lord after dating and marrying a non-Christian, and become torn between staying with him or leaving him.
God wants us to be prepared. He doesn't want us to grab the first thing that we see that looks good without taking the time to find out "what's inside" of it. If something inside is saying "warning consumption of this man may be dangerous for your health", God wants us to move on and keep looking.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding: in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5 & 6
Before you start an earnest search for your "Boaz," you need to take time to prepare yourself on the inside and out. In the book of Esther in the Old Testament we read how Esther was in preparation for twelve months before coming before King Xerses. She went through six months of beauty treatments with oil of myrrh and six months with sweet spices and perfumes. I know that all of us wish that men would just see the beauty within us. I believe that your Boaz will see that eventually, but first you must face the fact that men are visually stimulated. I don't believe that you must be a size 2 to get a Boaz man's attention. But I do believe that whatever size a woman is she must make herself as attractive as she can be. In order to find your Christian husband take time to dress well, smell well and act with class. Sometimes it helps us to make sure we have a flattering hairstyle, a good manicure and clothes that are feminine without being overly sexy. Remember that the Christian man is looking for a woman he will be proud to take to church. He wants a woman who looks to the entire world as if she is God's woman.
The next important thing in preparing yourself to meet your Boaz is your attitude.
No one has a perfect life. Things are hard for single women and times are tough. There is something to be said of a single Christian woman who has a positive attitude and is giving of herself to her friends and family. Take time to give all your baggage to God and work through it before you seek your life mate. Nothing turns a man off faster than a woman who seemingly is depressed and needy. Hold your head up high and put a smile on your face! It may seem phony, but it's not. It?s actually doing what God tells us to do "In everything give thanks and give no thought to tomorrow."
The true test of love is that you are willing to give to someone without wanting or expecting to ever get anything back in return. A Boaz man is a giver. A gift doesn't always have to be money, jewelry, and clothes, etc. A Boaz man will know how to give of himself. He will be willing to lend you a hand when needed. A lot of times I see women giving gifts to men they care about. While I understand wanting to do this, I discourage you from giving to a man who doesn't give you something first. It's extremely hard to weed out "users" when you give to them first. Always let a man give you a gift first. The real Christian man will want to give gifts to you! They don't have to be expensive gifts; even a card is a wonderful token of affection. Don't let a man think you are so desperate for love that you are "buying his love." Men are hunters and as such no hunter wants a deer or elk to stand in front of him and say, "Here I am, shoot me." Always remember WHO you are and WHOSE you are. Never stand for a man that treats you less than a "highly favored daughter of The King!" Don't fool yourself. A man can ALWAYS find money for a card or flowers. But keep an open mind if he just scratches out a note on a post-it or scrap of paper. It is the words he uses that really count far more than the paper he puts those words on. If you are not being treated as a treasure, please move on. This is not God's will for His daughter in any Christian dating relationship.
God's man will support your dreams. We all have dreams and goals that we want to accomplish in life. Those who love you should celebrate your achievements in life. They will love to see you succeed in every goal you set for yourself. When you meet a Boaz man, he will support your dreams. In the book of Ruth not only did Boaz support Ruth's endeavors but also those of her family as well. In these last days God is putting Christians together to minister together. Christian dating does not always have to be something like dinner and a movie. Christian dating can be something like a couple serving and loving others together in the name of Jesus.
It is extremely important that both of you can faithfully embrace the dreams of each other without being selfish.
Compassion is another important trait your Boaz must have. One of the finest traits a man of God can have is compassion for others. The Boaz man has learned through his own shortcomings that he is not perfect. He knows that God in His mercy has forgiven him and so he must be able to forgive others and look past any of their shortcomings. Listen very closely to what a man says about the other significant relationships in his life. Do you notice that he seems to blame others for everything in his life that went wrong? Don't buy into that! People who have "chips" on their shoulders are not mature Christians. Dating spiritually mature Christian men is the only place to start if you have any hope of finding your exact, perfect Boazremember he's not perfect, but he's perfect for you. The bible is full of lessons of forgiveness. Beware of any man who also judges your past harshly. I advise you to pray for this man and go on to dating other Christian men.
A true Boaz man will have good moral friends. Men who fellowship with him and seek to grow in the Lord, encouraging him to only date Christian women. Men who mentor him, that are mature Christians that he can go to for advice. We are known by the company we keep. If the man has close friends that are players, he thinks there is nothing wrong with playing around. If the man has friends that do drugs, he might be doing drugs. If the men he has as friends are club-hopping drunks, he might find club-hopping fun. God loves sinners and hates their sin, but any behavior that grieves God's heart should grieve ours too! Avoid dating anyone who grieves the heart of God.
One of the most important traits of the Boaz man should be loyalty. He should be a man of God who sees only the best in you and expects others to do the same. He believes you when you tell him what happened and how it happened. He stands his ground in defending you if ever someone says something unkind about you. When it comes to you he believes that Daddy God brought the two of you together in a Christian dating relationship and that is all that is important to him when it comes to dating choices. Nothing can break a woman's heart like a disloyal man can. To tell a man something in private, because you trust him, and then to hear that he has betrayed that confidence by telling it to someone else is incomprehensibly hurtful! Loyalty to you and putting you first, after God, must now be his mission in life.
Your Boaz man must be a man who is comfortable praying with you. He is never uncomfortable in the presence of God. A man of God with a heart for God loves to pray. He may be shy about it at first but once he trusts you he will love to pray with you. Prayer brings us into the presence of God. It is in prayer that we seek His advice, His help, His power and compassion. You must be able to start and end your day together with prayer. But prayer can also lead to intimacy, so be self disciplined to pray but not get physical. If praying together for long periods of time alone looks like it will lead to temptation to become intimate, pray in a public place.
Remember that finding the man that God has for you is not always an easy task, but it is the most important task for every single Christian woman only after the life-long task of serving Christ in your relationship with God and others. Take your time. Make a list of all the things you are not willing to compromise on when it comes to a Christian husband. Make a list of Christian dating behavior that pleases God. In pleasing God your Christian dating behavior will be truly blessed in God's time and in God's way. Take the written lists and place them securely in your bible. Pray over the lists daily, read them daily. Let God know that His exact, perfect "Boaz" is what you want and need in your lifenot impatience, not desperately settling for second best. Keep the lists just between you and God! God delights in giving his daughters the desires of their hearts. He wants godly Christian dating relationships and Christian covenant marriages as they bring honor and glory to His name. Trust God to bring just the right Boaz man across your path for Christian dating and use this guide and the bible to weed out the others!
May God bless you with wisdom and patience.
Another bit of advice: I only use Christian Cafe to meet singles, never ever would I even think of using a secular dating site.
The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffers for it. PROVERBS 27:12
I also tell the singles at church to get a background check on other singles they dont really know about before meeting them in a public place, never alone, and never at their home. Don't just assume that everyone at church or in a Christian dating service is really a Christian.
Please Note: it is considerate to get a persons consent, but to do your own online background checks the Dating Background Checks website claims that you can investigate a person and the person will not even know it. I always let a Christian guy know that I am doing a background check on him. Sometimes they've laughed. It is up to you if or when you tell a person. An employment background check requires the persons consent so I personally believe that a dating background check should also require a person's consent. Besides that do unto others as you would have them do unto you means I ask for consent because I would like to be asked before some Christian man did a dating background check on me. If he has nothing to hide, he will say YES! and respect your concerns.
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