Written for www.AdamMeetEve.com by Juliet Roberts, author of Safer Christian Dating

A lot has been written about what precautions to take on a first date, and we will cover that later, but what about improving online dating safety by using the online tools available to you, and by limiting the details you share online? It is wise to stay anonymous for as long as you possibly can. Here is how to protect your online privacy from strangers:

1. EMAIL. Singles should always use an email form on their personal website or blog to prevent visitors from getting your email address. This will not only prevent some unwanted stranger from getting your real email address, it fights SPAM-bots too. Visitors never see your email address, since the message they type into the email form is sent to you by the server. To get a free email form for your personal website or blog go to www.formtomail.com and see how easy it is to use. Never use your work email address to sign up for online dating. Tap into Yahoo!, Hotmail, or Gmail for a free email account that you should only use for online dating. Most online dating services have anonymous email forwarding technology to keep others from getting your email address until you choose to share it. When the time is right, give your new online dating interest your free email address, not your work or private personal email address.

2. DOMAIN NAME REGISTRATION. Singles, especially women, should always register the domain name to their personal website or blog using private, proxy registration to remain anonymous. This not only protects your personal information, but it can fight SPAM, too. If you do not mind having ads on your personal site or blog, you can use free web hosting at a place like 110MB.com and we like godaddy.com for private domain registration and cheap hosting. Lots of singles we know like the thrill of having their own personal domain name. And with Wordpress so easy to use it is no wonder singles love to blog.

3. PHONE. Never give out your home phone number to strangers online. Once he has your home phone number an unwanted stranger could easily lookup your home address and show up uninvited! If you have to give out a phone number, give out the phone number of a male relative or friend. Do not give out your work phone number because with it he could look up your work place address. Also, when it comes time to get out of the online chat room/email/instant messaging phase, and actually chat on the phone; use a cell phone with caller ID blocked; use Skype.com internet phone service; or if nothing else, at least use a landline phone other than your personal home or work phone—maybe use the phone of a close male friend or relative. Just keep as many layers of protection between you and him until you are absolutely certain this online stranger/love interest is safe. Get his home phone number, but do not give him yours. Tell him you will “maybe” call him back and give him your number. Then use his phone number to do a background check on him.

4. ONLINE BACKGROUND SEARCH. Singles, especially single women, should always do a background search, which includes a criminal background search, employment background search, sex offender database check. Using the dating background search software at www.DatingDetective.net you can check a stranger’s background without them even knowing it. If what he told you about himself, his employment, his location, his marital status, or anything else about him does not jibe with what you learn from his background check; BE VERY CAUTIOUS and strongly consider avoiding him. Best bargain of all, DatingDetective.net lets you easily do unlimited background checks online for three years for a onetime fee of only $27.00 and save a lot of time and money. Ok, now that you’ve been empowered to be your own NetDetective start by doing an online background search on yourself. Login and enter as few details as it takes to bring up your background info. Start by entering your name, city, state, zip code and only enter your phone number if the first results are too vague. Not only is this a good chance to practice using NetDetective software, it could also show you personal privacy/security holes that you need to plug. Is your phone number unlisted? If not, someone can find your home address online. See Julia's notes below on how to get started doing a dating background search.

5. CLEAR MINDED. Singles should avoid interacting online while their inhibitions and better judgment are impaired by: drugs or alcohol, a lack of proper sleep, or major distractions. Just like you should not drink and drive, not drive with a lack of sleep, not drive while distracted, you should not do online dating, chat rooms, or forums either. Also, AVOID GETTING TOO EMOTIONALY ATTACHED to this “perfect stranger” until you meet him face to face several times in a live dating situation. AGAIN, GUARD YOUR EMOTIONS, they can cloud your better judgment!

6. Do not let well-meaning friends or relatives post your private contact information as some sort of a set up or online blind dating experiment. It could backfire, resulting in an unwanted stranger calling you or worse yet knocking on your door, looking in your windows or worse!

7. Most of all, DO NOT let your guard down. Trust your gut instincts and intuition. Just because some guy says he is a Christian or religious does not mean you should throw caution to the wind and start sharing private information right away online. And while you are being extra “paranoid” do not forget to keep your computer virus and spyware protection up-to-date!

8. USE THE IGNORE BUTTON. If some other member of a dating site just won’t leave you alone after you have asked them nicely to stop contacting you, use the “hide-my-profile” or “ignore” feature that is built into most online dating services. Also forward their threatening messages to the dating sites Administrator or Webmaster. Most “hide-my-profile” or “ignore” features prevent unwanted singles from contacting you or even seeing your online dating profile.

9. PHOTO. Only add your photo(s) to your online dating profile if there is nothing in the photo that would enable a persistent stranger from finding you. Avoid showing details like company signs, street signs, your car or home, especially your license plate or street number. A photo of you standing in front of your favorite church, café or store could allow an unwanted stranger to track you down. Stick to a head and shoulders photo with a neutral background.

10. SECURE PAYMENTS. Always use a penname or nickname when signing up for online dating, chat or forums. The only time you should have to enter your real name is on the online payment form. Only enter private credit card information if the website offers a secure connection: The normal “http” in front of their website address should be replaced with “https” and your browser should indicate that you have a secure Internet connection. Never give out your real name, with your real name one can obtain your home and work address and phone number, and even some financial information.

(There is an advantage to paying for an online dating service: all the singles had to pay and enter their real name, etc., which can cut down on the riff-raff that sometimes bogs down the fun of using a free online dating service.)

This concludes the "technical" part of our discussion, lol, :).

The problem we all have is that we like to talk about ourselves. Do not give out so many personal details online that some unwanted visitor can piece them all together and come find you. Where you work, where you live, where you go to church, where you like to eat every Friday night, etc. are details that should be limited to a face to face meeting with your online dating interest only after you are sure that you can trust him (or her).

Don’t go looking for trouble, but don’t make it easy for trouble to go looking for you, either.

Statistically speaking problems with chatting and dating online are quite rare, but singles should not allow their online behavior to turn them into an offline statistic. Hopefully cyber stalkers, serial killers and rapists do not like to work very hard to find you. So they probably won’t find you unless you make it easy for them.

Now, get out there and enjoy online dating. And when it is time to meet face to face, always remember to:

1. Meet him at a PUBLIC PLACE like a café or book store, NOT AT HIS OR YOUR HOME, or any other secluded place.

2. Make sure you have a recent photo of the person you are meeting. If you will be dating or meeting the person alone for the first time, be sure to give a trusted friend a color copy of his photo, name, phone number, etc.; also tell them when and where you will be dating or meeting the person; and set a time to check in with your trusted friend after you’re safely home from your first date.

3. Or you could actually send a trusted friend into the PUBLIC PLACE and have them try to spot the person in the recent photo. (This is not being sneaky it is being smart and cautious.) He should look like his recent photo or else it is called deception. Which throws everything else about him into question. Honest is as honest does! It is also nice to make it a double date. This allows two other people to “size him up” for you. And they may notice things about him that you might miss do to your excitement.

4. Meet for no more than 2 hours, talking over a light lunch or coffee. At the end of the first dating or meeting experience, arrange to meet a second time, same time same place in no less than 2 weeks. By letting things sit and simmer for 2 weeks before your second date you give your head a chance to catch up with your heart. A “normal” person will find it attractive that you are so “popular” that you have to wait 2 weeks before seeing him again. If he becomes angry or controlling or whiney take it as a RED caution flag.

5. Arrive alone and leave alone. If he starts to follow you to your car or bus stop, re-enter the PUBLIC PLACE and say goodbye to him again, a little more forcefully, before marching into the ladies room.

6. Most of all have fun! You have earned it for working so hard to protect your privacy and safety!

7. And don’t forget to dress modestly. Conservative attire puts the focus on who you are inside. Leave a good impression. Your wonderful personality should shine brighter in his mind than bare skin bulging out of your low cut top, or two long shiny legs slithering out of your short clingy dress or short shorts.

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NATIONAL (Sex Offenders) ALERT REGISTRY

Next, and I mean right away, don’t put it off, go and read all the good information on the Dating Detective website. Pray about it, then sign up for the 3 years of unlimited background searching. Run a background search on everyone you are meeting online. But first run a background search on yourself to find any privacy holes you better get plugged.

And don’t think that date rape or something worse can’t happen to you. That’s what I thought, now, I screen everyone before meeting them for the first time for a first date. And if a nice Christian guy is offended that I want to do an online background search on him before we meet. Too bad!

Another bit of advice: I only use Christian Singles Network and also Christian Cafe to meet singles, never ever would I even think of using a secular dating site.

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffers for it.” PROVERBS 27:12

I also tell the singles at church to get a background check on other singles they don’t really know about before meeting them in a public place, never alone, and never at their home. Don't just assume that everyone at church or in an Christian dating service is really a Christian.

Please Note: it is considerate to get a person’s consent, but to do your own online background searches the Dating Detective website claims that “you can investigate a person and the person will not even know it.” I always let a Christian guy know that I am doing a background check on him. It is up to you “if or when” you tell a person. An employment background check requires the person’s consent so I personally believe that a dating background search should also require a person's consent. Besides that “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” means I ask for consent because I would like to be asked before some Christian man did a dating background search on me. If he has nothing to hide, he will say “YES!”

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The End!

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