What about long distance relationships?
The development of any relationship is challenging – but long distance does add some unique aspects to consideration. Although I am sure not all-inclusive, here are some thoughts that I believe one should consider as they entertain long distance relationships.
The initial interaction in a long distance relationship is obviously not in the presence of the other person – so you are missing the non-verbal communication input. I do not recall what percentage this plays in communication, but it is much more than the verbal portion. One needs to keep this in mind as they entertain the interaction going on. Do not allow fantasies of what you WANT the relationship to be to cloud what it really is OR is not. In the same consideration, do not allow your expectations to develop beyond the realities that are actually taking place. It is important to move to verbal communication (phone) as soon as both are comfortable. This is an added part of the puzzle, but once again – it but just A step in the process of getting to know another person.
When mutually agreed, you should schedule a trip to meet each other. In most cases this should be the man traveling to meet the woman – but the other way could work too. SAFETY is a big item and you should meet in a public place and I would even suggest that it be in the presence of a close friend or two. Yes, you are an adult – but safety in today's world must be taken seriously
Each of you should travel to the other's world so that you can see each other relating to friends and family. Pay attention to behavior in these interactions – with you as well as with others. There will often be little signals when something is not right – and do not dismiss them to hastily. Remember - little things while dating often become BIG annoyances in a marriage.
If the relationship begins to turn into a serious consideration, seek books and questionnaires that you can purchase to read and take. You can even do this separately and discuss them in your phone calls, etc. The answers to the questionnaires can surface issues and/or beliefs that are important that you know about each other. These will be wonderful opportunities for you to grow together – OR – learn why this is not the relationship that is healthy for you. (There is a listing of some good books under the resources section of our ministry web site.)
Do NOT spend long times in deep, intimate prayer times. This likely seems strange coming from a Pastor. My reasoning is that doing this type of intimate praying prior to confirming that this is the mate for you will send "false" signals into your spirit. Do pray, and together, but not the deep intimate prayer that should be done with your "soul mate".
