My relationship is not going anywhere – what should I do?

Relationship challenges come in all sorts of packages. For some it is how do I find one? For others, it is what do I do with the one that I am in??? I receive emails from those who have been in a relationship (not a marriage) for sometime and it does not seem to be going anywhere. They genuinely love/care for the other person, but nothing has seemed to move it from a relationship to the desired marriage.

I am very glad that they are asking and not just running off to chase some fantasized dream. It always serves one well to understand the dynamics that are taking place – or not taking place. Here are some points to ponder if you find yourself in this situation:

Practice your communication skills and bring up your concern/frustration with the other person in the relationship. It could be something as simple as not understanding each other's needs and expectations.

If you are not able to resolve it one on one, discuss seeking out a good Christian counselor to guide you to find the blockage in the relationship. You should approach this as a learning and releasing exercise. You have the chance for one or both of you to discover something that is keeping you from embracing all that you can enjoy and then releasing you to new fulfillments.

Sometimes the reason for the relationship not moving forward is clear to you – but you had rather not accept the reason. One case of this could be that you are not spiritually compatible. Often one writing to me states that a strong spiritual life is important to them, but their future spouse drags their feet or seldom participates in any spiritual activity with them. I am suggesting that you really know this is the problem and that you should move on (after a period of time to confirm this).

Too often people do not get out of a relationship because they fear that they will not be able to find another. I look at this reason as a self-imposed trap. It is certainly not a healthy basis upon which you should continue a relationship. If you think that it is difficult in this relationship, just consider that the marriage under these circumstances would be many times worse in most cases.

Give the relationship that you are in a chance to mature. Every "real" relationship has to work through challenges. However, if you have done so over an extended period of time and do not find a healthy resolution, then I suggest you should consider moving on. Do not let the fear of not finding