Why does God say not to have sex outside of marriage?

One cannot be around singles groups very long before this question or one like it surfaces. The sexual side of us is very strong for many (most?) - and the "drive" is NOT a sin.

In Genesis God found man to need someone. Eve was created and sex entered the picture. I believe that God created it because it combines the physical/chemical, emotional, psychological and spiritual parts of us all at one time. Gosh - if that is so - then everyone must NEED it! Well, not so according to what Paul shares in the New Testament.

I find two different forces at play that are often - well, misused. The two are intimacy and sex. One is not necessary without the other. I understand it that all of us need intimacy, but sex is reserved for marriage. Let me explain my thought.

God placed into each of us the strong desire to be in contact with someone - what I call the need for intimacy. The primary focus for this need is so that we would have an inner hunger for relating to God. After all - He has this hunger for us (and I might illustrate my point by saying that His is not a sexual desire!). There is no intimacy that is any richer nor more satisfying than when we are intimately close in our relationship with Him.

In addition to being intimate with God, He also wants us to be intimate with others. Read all that I am saying and do not take any of my words out of context. This intimacy is found in what we often call "buddies". It is where we genuinely care about each other, are open at a very vulnerable level and hold each other accountable. No games are being played and we love to be with our "buds" because it is a very fulfilling and affirming experience.

Then what about sex? (Do I have your attention?? :-) In marriage, the intimacy that I discussed previously is also very necessary - the hunger to share in a very open and vulnerable way. But there is the added ingredient of sexual relationship. God created sex in such a depth than when we experience it, we are giving away part of ourselves. It is not just an act (where one party or both parties are involved in self satisfaction). I suggest it is just the opposite - where both parties are focusing on satisfying the other. It is a total act of putting another ahead of yourself. But this is only step one.

Sex bonds!

If you do not think so, have it outside of marriage and then try to leave the relationship. It is like tearing something out and walking away with the pieces - jagged as they may be. Used outside of marriage, sex sends "false" signals into our deepest being. It is saying "this is it" - but it is not. By frequent use of this activity outside of marriage, we condition our minds for a lot of damage. Is it impossible to reverse? Perhaps most of it can be reversed - but it always leaves a negative touch on our lives that requires counseling and/or an extended walk with God to cleanse.

For singles, putting sex into our relationships before marriage creates a very practical problem. When we are involved in the power of sex, we do not want